Here we go again

...so...blogging...hello...again.

When I last posted here it was April of 2011. Just got back from a GREAT vacation and wanted to share everything we did. Got the first day done and then, nothing. It really was a great vacation full of great times, great adventures, and great food.

 Food. Seems like my entire life revolves around food. Many people eat to live; I live to eat. I look forward to meals. I love not just the eating, but the preparing, and presenting a good, home cooked meal to friends and family. Cooking a good meal fills me with a sense of pride and worth.

I've never been one you would call skinny or thin. As a kid I always wore "husky" pants and today I wear XXL shirts. The only time in my grown life when I have felt comfortable with my weight was when I first started dating my now wife. I was so nervous and so much in love that I could barely eat, and when I could, I could barely keep it down because I was so excited to see her! So, I lost a LOT of weight and was what I would call a normal weight. Now, I don't have some grossly idealized image of what I should look like. I know what a healthy person looks like, and that is not me. My weight is mostly localized around the belly, so I am deceptively overweight, or as my Nintendo Wii was fond of telling me "obese." Most people are surprised when I tell them my weight. Either that or they are just being nice.

Throughout my adult life I have struggled with my weight. I've tried counting calories, limiting portions, exercising, South Beach, Weight Watchers, etc. I start off great and get to a point where I start to feel good, and then I hit the dreaded plateau. My plateau always hits around 200 pounds. When I was 230 and swore I was way to fat and was going to lose weight, I did. I hit 200 and didn't lose a pound for months. I became frustrated and gained it all back, plus 10 more. At 240, I swore it was time to shed the belly and got back to 200 and then, as life is want to do, I hit some major curves in the road and gained back 50 pounds over the course of a year. Last year, I eventually peaked at 260 pounds and started Weight Watchers. I was doing great for about 2 months and lost about 20 pounds. Then along came Super Bowl Sunday and I decided not to worry about what I ate and would just eat whatever, whenever, and how much of anything I wanted without tracking my points. At the end of the day, I had used all of Sunday's points, all of Monday and Tuesday's points, and all of my bonus points for the week. I never recovered.

So, a year later, I look back and see I have been losing the same 4-5 pounds and hovering between 250 and 255.

As I said, I love food. Food and I have a bad relationship though, and probably an unhealthy one at that. I eat when I am upset. I eat when I am happy. I ate when I am angry. I eat when I am bored. I eat when I am hungry and even when I am not.

My biggest problem is carbs. I love carbs. Potatoes, pasta, pizza, bread, cakes, pies, soda, candy, cookies, ice cream, doughnuts, rice, milk, jelly, etc. Sugar and grains in all their lovely, tasty, delicious forms. I could eat carbs all day long, and have done so in the past. I sneak carbs when no one is around. I buy and devour candy whenever I can. I am a closet carb eater. Kind of like the Jimmy Buffet song with the guy who is eating healthy, but then sneaks the cheeseburgers when no one is looking.

And since I know carbs are the thing standing between me and losing weight, I feel guilty about it. And anyone that knows me knows my issues with guilt. So what do I do when I feel guilty? Eat! And what do I eat when I feel guilty? Carbs! So how does that make me feel? Guilty! So what do I do? Eat more carbs! Hello, vicious cycle? Yeah...

So what am I getting to you may ask? Well, I took a long, hard look at myself in the mirror today and decided it's not okay. I am not healthy. I am sick all the time. I eat ok (and honestly I do! I eat very little processed food. I just eat WAY too many carbs and not nearly enough fruits and veggies.), but with the way I am going, I will need to go out and buy more "fat clothes" just so I can get dressed everyday. I don't look good. Without getting too personal and graphic, I'm starting to get rolls. I want to be able to walk up a flight of stairs and not get winded. I want to be able to run and play with my kids and dog for more than 3 minutes. I want to grow old and do things with my kids and (someday) grand kids.

So, it ends now.

Okay, not now now, but Monday. Monday, February 4th 2013.

I'm going to give myself these next few days to eat what I want, not feel guilty about it, and enjoy it, because it is all going away Monday. No more sugar, dairy, or grains except very, very rarely and only in small doses. I'm going to force myself (at first) to eat more vegetables and fruits and good, quality proteins.

I ordered The Primal Blueprint and will be reading it over the weekend and going through and making a grocery list. Sunday morning shopping will be gathering the required foods and all that.

I know I can do it. I've done it before. So now I just need the motivation. And my motivation? Writing in a very public manner on my blog and posting the updates on my Facebook page. I'm counting on my friends and family to help keep me going. It's too hard to go it alone. I'm gonna need you guys to keep me honest, keep me focused, help me dust myself off when I fall, and keep me going. Other motivations? My 20th anniversary is this June and we are planning a trip to Hawaii. I'd like to not look like a beached dolphin while there. My kids. Honestly, I want to be around for them when they are my age. I'd like to be able to have an inseam size that is closer to or less than my waistline. Currently I am squeezing into a 38 x 30. I should probably be in a 40 or 42, but no way am I admitting that defeat!

Along with the new "diet" I am also going to add in exercise. Blech. I hate exercise more than just about anything. 30 minutes on the bike, walking the dog, or playing some of the PlayStation Kinect games each day is my goal. Every other day, 30 minutes of weight/resistance training. I know it does nothing for my weight because I can't sustain the amount of activity I need to make a difference in my weight, but it does help with my cholesterol and it will make the wife happy, so there is that.

My goal is to get to 200 pounds by June 12th. That's 50 pounds in about 18 weeks. I expect a big drop in weight over the first three weeks if my previous experiences hold true. With South Beach I lost 15 pounds in the first two weeks. With Weight Watchers it was 10. After that, I moved into the 1-2 pounds per week range. My final goal is 175 pounds.

So, food journal entry for 1/31/13

 Breakfast: 2 Large Eggs, scrambled
                 2 Turkey Sausage links, diced
                 1 slice 2% Fat American Cheese
                 16 oz Lemon Zinger Tea w/ 1 tbs of honey

Lunch:   2 cups Green Salad
             8 oz Oven Roasted Turkey Breast
             2 tsp Black Currant Infused Balsamic Vinegar
             1 tsp Lemon Infused Olive Oil
             8 oz Vanilla Coke Zero

Snacks:  2 Fun Size bags of Peanut M and; M's
             1 Venti Green Tea Frappuccino with Chocolate and Peppermint (Thin Mint Frappuccino)

Dinner: 2 cups Green Salad
            2 tsp Black Currant Infused Balsamic Vinegar
            1 tsp Lemon Infused Olive Oil
            5 oz Deep Fried Fish
            1/2 cup Red Cabbage with Honey/Mayo sauce

Water: 40 oz
Exercise: 15 minutes heavy lifting as I set up my "classroom" for the day
               Hours of standing and walking around my "classroom"

So, there we go. First day of blogging in almost two years and I lay bare my soul. Will anyone read it? I hope some of my friends do. I'm linking this straight to my Facebook page, so maybe they will click over to it. Either way, I intend to update this every day that I can so I can begin to keep myself honest. 

Here we go!